Amateur time travelers were stunned to discover Friday that our civilization will eventually develop into a worldwide utopia, with all peoples united by their common hatred of the music of the Black Eyed Peas. “It’s amazing” stated Dylan Rogers, one of the returning time travelers. “Sometime around 2014, people just started getting really, really sick of the Black Eyed Peas. Perhaps it was the lack of basic song structure, lyrics that don’t go anywhere, or their constant selling out to corporate interests…we’re still unsure. What we do know is people started expressing themselves more verbosely about disliking them, and before you know it, BAM! The whole world is united in peace.” Sociologists were not surprised by this revelation, stating that “Often, a common thread amongst peoples will bring them closer together. Once the barriers of culture are blurred, divisive concepts like war become irrelevant. Besides, have you heard ‘I Gotta Feeling’? It’s a fucking atrocious song…” Film historians are quick to point out that this closely mirrors the plot of the 1989 flick Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, with the exception that in this instance it was hatred for music that brought the world together, though with the same results.
Calls to the Black Eyed Peas had not been returned as of press time. A rep for their label stated that the band was busy rewriting their latest single so it can be adapted into a promotion for an upcoming Arby’s sandwich.
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