A group of local teens, ages 13-16, have discovered that their weekly webcast show is not drawing the popularity seen by its fictitious counterpart, the Nickelodeon program iCarly. “We’re kinda stumped,” one of the teens said. “On the TV show, Carly’s webcasts have made her one of the most popular celebs in the country. The only emails we get are from a couple of old guys who write weird things.”
The kids were propelled to do the webcasts in the hopes that broadcasting themselves engaging in wacky hijinks and just hanging around would make them as recognized in the real world as the TV program’s kids are in their fictitious world. Instead, many of the fans they have generated are mostly middle-aged men, with several of them registered sex offenders. Kimberly, one of the teens who hosts the show, exclaimed, “I’m totally bummed. I mean, [Carly] gets messages from thousands of fans around the world. All I get is this guy from the next town over who keeps asking if I want to meet him in the town park after midnight. That’s way past my curfew.”
The fact that they are mostly a draw with middle-aged males is not the only problem beleaguering these kids. They were quick to find out that the suspension of disbelief in the fictitious TV world, which allots its denizens top-of-the-line special effects, quality writing and endless resources for a simple teen webcast does not apply in the real world. In reality, their show is plagued by long periods of awkward silence, not to mention the numerous technical snafus coupled with the realization that the sparse bandwidth they can afford often results in a frozen picture when their few fans tune in. Interestingly enough, these fans don’t seem to mind. “As long as at least one of them is on screen when the picture freezes, I’m good to go,” said a man who would only identify himself as "Philip."
Many of the teens are beginning to lose interest in the endeavor, as well as facing pressure from parents to stop the webcasts. One girl told us her father was tired of finding screencaps of her as wallpaper on his boss's computer.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Oprah Swears Vengeance, Sends Army of Hawkmen to Destroy Rio de Janeiro
An enraged Oprah Winfrey has responded to the International Olympic Committee’s decision to award Rio de Janeiro the 2016 summer games on Friday. She has unleashed her army of Hawkmen to destroy the Brazilian city. “Nothing, but nothing will stand opposed to the Oprah!” she bellowed from her war rocket as her army of minions descended upon the metropolis. Her sworn vengeance against Rio seems to be steeped in the fact that it was chosen above Chicago for the ’16 Olympic Games, a fatal error committed by the IOC. Oprah had flown personally with the Obamas to Copenhagen last week, seeking an audience with the committee for the purpose of securing the games for the city. Several of her cyborg advisors saw this as nothing more than a formality, though; they believed no one would be foolish enough to temp fate with her wrath. “A grave error has been made…we are just lucky that Rio is bearing the brunt. After the ‘Frey incident,’ thousands of us were committed to irons for a millennia,” stated one of the advisors. After the IOC’s decision was made public, citizens around the world feared for the worst. Several people with connections deep inside her inner circle believe her plan won’t stop with the simple destruction of Rio de Janeiro. They believe that once her Hawkmen raze the city to the ground, she will rebuild it and dub it “Chicago,” so that the Olympics will be held in a Chicago regardless. “[People of the world] just don’t understand,” a scientist, who asked not to be named, pleaded. “Nothing will ever quench her thirst for power...this is just the tipping point! Once Rio is gone she will focus her power on the moon, then unleash her disasters upon our surface world! She must be stopped!” Those few who stand opposed to Oprah wonder if the only hope left for Rio and our civilization lies in the hands of Mark Sanchez, quarterback for the New York Jets.
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