CNN Fires Co-Host; Re-Brands 'Parker/Spitzer' as 'Parkour/Spitzer'

CNN, in an effort to bolster ratings of its fledgling program, Parker/Spitzer, have taken steps to revitalize the timeslot, including a re-branding of the show. Parkour/Spitzer, debuting next week, will feature singular host Elliot Spitzer delivering his spin on the news, while simultaneously spinning, flipping, and making his way through a complex urban setting in the most convoluted way possible.

“We truly feel this is a great way to move forward in parallel directions,” says CNN spokesperson Gerald Foucan, “not only can we revitalize the program, but also take proactive steps to reach out to younger, more urban demographics by presenting the news in the hippest way possible.”

The former governor of New York State, a once-promising politician whose tenure as state attorney general was marked as steadfast in his assault on corporate malfeasance and Wall Street corruption, saw his career go down the proverbial toilet after a scandal involving high-priced hookers brought about his resignation from the gubernatorial seat.

“It actually lends an air of street credibility, or ‘cred’ as they say on the streets, to his life and career,” Foucan adds, “when we hired him last summer, we were just looking for a cheap name to throw on our airwaves; a tabloid fixture that might bring about renewed interest in our ‘this-is-news?’ product. But these recent developments might almost be serendipitous in nature.”

Gone is conservative journalist Kathleen Parker as his co-host, as well as a dedicated set; instead, Spitzer will travel from city to city, traversing his way through alleys, sidewalks and over various fences in a series of segments that bring to the viewer the day’s news, intermixed with various commentary on topical issues.

A press release on the debut of the re-branded program goes into detail on the message of the show. It reads, “In keeping with the spirit of Parkour/Spitzer, we hope to empower viewers and their awareness of the news in the same way Spitzer is aware of his environment. His runs, jumps and passion for the news combined with a virile sense of being, as displayed in his past, will provide the perfect amalgam for success in bringing the news to a new generation of viewers.”

“I’m just glad to be out in the fresh air,” Spitzer cheerfully exclaims, “I haven’t had this much cardiovascular exercise with my socks on since that little Jersey minx and I did the reverse cowgirl.”